Don't know if I want to go wheeling again...
... at least
that was my thought when we came back home last night.
We headed out to Los Coyotes with my
brother Nick - me in my 79, he in his 80 (both widetrack
Cherokees), with hopes that the snow hasn't completely melted down after the
last storm. Come in, part with $30 at the gate, and
head into the reservation.
To our great surprise, not only the
snow has not melted, it covered nearly the most of the reservation. What does
it translate into - Los Coyotes is big in rock crawling when it's dry... with
snow on it, it is a no-man's land. In three snow trips to 'Coyotes, I've lost
the bead twice, and once - blew a chain through the side of my Quadratrac case.
I should have known better.
It took four-low-lock to get to
Then - I turned my head to the left,
and saw that
As much as local geography goes, the
We didn't make it even to the little
pile of rocks. Close to the bottom of this pile, the snow cover grew to about
18-20 in. deep, and that was heavy, half-settled, wet snow.
We figured that we'd run out of gas
trying to cover the remaining distance, turned around, and stopped near Four
Corners area to chew on sandwiches and water them down with some beer.
Two guys went in after us, one in a
built TJ, another - in a very mild XJ. They came back before we finished our first
beer - obviously didn’t make it very far.
However, they were smart enough not to
take up our proposition to take the
Damn...
a LR Discovery during a club run
gotta love them Land
Rovers - although, give this a credit: it was a beginners' run.
Here's Nick following me about two
years ago, in a very heavy snowstorm:
Full size jeeps definitely have an
upper hand on this trail. Now, let me get back to the story.
I saw fresh tracks headed into the
However... just before the big drop
(that happens before the cross-axle spot), the tracks ended - with a clear
indication that the driver nailed the brakes wide-eyed, and opted to carefully
back out. What a weenie.... I plunged forward, down the waterfall and through the
cross-axle spot (that my Chero doesn't even lift a
tire off the ground in), and...
This is where the disaster struck.
Just past that cross-axle spot,
there's a two-foot drop. Not a two-foot step, but a steep drop, nevertheless.
Immediately after it, there's a very much off-camber spot, sloped towards the manzanita bushes growing near the creek. The little
momentum that I gained going down the drop cost me traction - and the jeep slid
sideways into thick manzanitas.
In my humble opinion, manzanita has the hardest and toughest wood (it doesn't
float in the water, either!). My jeep became lodged between a number of
2-4" thick branches, some of which found their way between the bumpers and
the body, grille and brushguard, some bent down and
sprang up under the body, etc. Any attempt to spin the wheels in any direction
led to the jeep sliding farther into the creek.
OK, the sun's high up, it's only one
in the afternoon. Time to break out whatever recovery gear we
had. Did I mention neither of us had a winch? Not that it would matter a
whole lot...
My first take was to pull the front
out, using a big oak as an anchor, and hi-lift jack as a hand winch. Not that I
ever believed in claims that one could be used as such, but I thought that if I
put some strain on it, and spin the tires a little, I could get the front end
up on the road. Guess what... The front didn't move, but the rear slid down
another foot. A few tries, and the front finally yielded... to gravity!
And slid another
foot into the creek.
Time to assess the situation... Now it
looked like Nick had a chance to carefully drive by me (provided with me
clearing ALL snow and ice from the dirt and rocks), and if he did, he could
pull me forward. We set about guiding him through, and there he was, hooked up to
my brush guard (a factory full size jeep brush guard that I - so far - deemed
to be strong enough to serve as a recovery point, provided the line is hooked
to the frame outriggers), and ready to nail the thin pedal.
I suspect my brother experiences
something like an orgasm when he opens up the throttle on his rebuilt and
punched-out 401. Or, maybe it's the road of the engine... Maybe it's a
combination of dead battery in one of the handhelds, broken CB antenna on his
jeep, and broken horn button on mine. Regardless, in three yanks, the brushguard folded into a neat shape that I could pass on as
a pre-runners' Vee. At the same time, my jeep moved another
foot into the creek, its front square against a whole bunch of thick manzanitas, front bumper dug into the ground, and rear
about to do the same. Quite some success…
A little scouting on foot revealed
that – if we ever made it out of this hole – proceeding forward would certainly
lead to repeating the performance (but farther into the trail!). So, a decision
was made to rig the line from my front - okay, no brushguard
anymore, be it the frame outrigger – towards that big pine tree (through the
rigged-up tree-saver strap, with combined benefits of questionable tree saving
with really crappy ability to serve as a block), and from there – to Nick’s
hitch receiver. The plan was to get the jeep turned about 120 degrees around,
so it could get back on the road and head out.
Wonder how many yanks would it take…
Well… Let’s say the technique worked.
In less than forty minutes, we were able to see the right rear wheel – which we
couldn’t see before. The right rear tire was punched out with the manzanita branches, completely off the bead, and took a
mangled shape wedged in the wheelwell. It cleared all
the doubts we had about whether the four wheel drive worked or not; both front
wheels were spinning in mud, and the rear TracLoc
wasn’t able to send a whole lot of torque to the only wheel that had traction.
Well, what can we do… Go ahead, lift the wheels one
after another with hi-lift, chop the ledge with the shovel, stuff rocks and
tree branches under, lift another, dig more, stuff more stuff, get back in the
car, start, move an inch sideways, stop, get out, repeat.
At
Soon, we discovered that it wasn’t
worth the effort to save that pine tree – it was completely dry already. Of
course, it only became obvious when it fell across the road! I thought I’d die
when we pulled it out of the way and tossed in the show drifts.
At
Tell you what,
it’s a helluva lot of fun, to replace a tire on a
vehicle that sits on a 20-degree slope covered with mud, snow, and ice. To be
safe, I tried to use the hi-lift at the rear bumper, but cut it short when I
found that the whole axle is already dangling on the brake line, and I still
can’t get the mushy mess of the tire off the ground. Down under I went, with a
shop trolley jack and two pieces of plywood. It did the trick, although I still
had to jack up the bumper to free the mangled tire, jammed between the framerail and the spring. I’d say, the hardest part (after
forcing myself to put away all tools and stuff) was to put the destroyed tire
and wheel up on the roof rack, with all the mud trapped in the tire. Wrapped
around the broken brush guard was my recovery rope (that I was very proud of
for years!) – ripped into three pieces. The other recovery strap – used as the
tree-saver – was sawed through by the rope unto a number of 10-foot chunks.
When the jeep has its four wheels in
the right places, it is amazing what it can do! I had no problems climbing out
of this gooey mess, and getting on the road. We met with Nick half-way out of
reservation – the gas station in
The way home was uneventful. I parked
the jeep on the street – still waiting for an angry message from condo
management – with the wreck of the brush guard sticking forward, tentacles of
shredded rope dangling on it, and jeep thoroughly covered with mud.
Walked home, and that’s when the
thought hit me – the one that makes the title of this blabbering…
P.S. On
P.P.S. In the retrospect – I think the way we got me out was the only
way to get me out. Would I have driven there in the same situation again? You
bet. What went wrong? Nothing – it’s part of the deal!
P.P.P.S. If I personally hear somebody saying that hi-lift jack can be
used as a hand winch, I’ll hold him up to his words, or beat him with the jack.
I’ve seen several attempts to use a hi-lift as a come-along, all futile.
